The time I thought about ending my own life was at the end of 2008. I had reached a point in my life where I had been depressed for quite a long time and felt as if nothing I did or said was helping me to feel better. I would go through my day pretending I was not hurting over my failures at love that year but the reality is I was devastated. I had put my heart out there and tried to start something with someone and it didn’t work. We were both to blame but I guess I took it harder than I thought and sunk into deep deep depression. I kept missing work and would just sleep all day. I wanted out of this hurt and pain. Drinking wasn’t helping me and I definitely did not want to try any drugs. So one night when I was lying in bed I just started crying my eyes out and was really considering doing something just to end the pain since God was not listening to my requests to take my life away so I could stop hurting forever.
I thought about taking pills and drinking a bunch of liquor and hoping that I would never wake up and at least sleep peacefully. I wanted the pain to end but I wanted it to end peacefully. Go figure? I wanted to play God but I didn’t want it to hurt.
I actually was going to go through it until I talked to a dear friend of mine who to this day is still one of my closest friends. He let me let it all out and kept talking to me until I stopped talking that way and just fell asleep.
This one is the one time I ever let something get to me so bad that I wanted to end it all. It was then I knew I needed to get help with the way my thought process was working.
That next day I was on the phone calling a doctor to get help…and I have not turned back since.
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