Something that I miss is being open to openly have feelings
towards a male.
Nowadays I always feel guarded and apprehensive simply by just
talking to someone. I miss the days
where I could simply talk to a gentleman and find myself falling and growing
feelings for him.
I am thinking it changed when I started to get online and
talking to people from all around the U.S. and would develop feelings and end
up finding out that they were feeding me the same line that they gave to 20
other females. I did not like knowing I was one of many meanwhile I was
thinking I could be his one and only.
I became guarded even more when I saw how people treated
others who were open with how they feel and used it against them. I stopped
developing feelings for males after not getting loved in return from the last
man I claimed to love. My attitude went from” Love makes it worth it” to” Why
bother when love will never come back to me?”
It is sad to hear different males express interest and I feel nothing. I
have become emotionally unavailable and a part of me doesn’t care what males
feel because my heart doesn’t want to open up anymore and I am tired of being
involved emotionally. I no longer have that energy to want to love and yet a part of me longs to be loved still to this day.
I miss the days where I was emotionally available and was
open to being affectionate and loving towards a man. I wish I could get a part
of that back from the archives.
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